Dreams

I woke up thinking about the importance of dreams this morning. Good dreams give us hope. They allow us to believe that things can be different, that life can be better than it is, that our realities can change and our goals can truly be met.

I've always lived in the city or a suburb of a city and while I've always been grateful for the convenience of it, I know that deep down inside I'm a small town girl at heart. I've always dreamed from the time I was a little girl of living in a small town where people actually know their neighbors. I dream of marrying a good man that works hard, plays even harder, and loves me with everything he's got. We don't need to be rich just have enough to get by and a little extra to introduce our children to the outside world with, but always, always have a home to come back too. I dream of putting down roots like a mighty oak tree. Strong and sturdy with an inner strength that reaches every limb and branch and all of those beautiful leaves on the outside that bring joy in the jumpin' in 'em in the fall and shade in the hot summer. Of stay in one place long enough to let that tree grow tall and thick with years, long enough to leave a legacy, to become a landmark in the community. I want to raise my children on simple honest values and teach them the joy of the little things that life has to offer.
I've dreamt of all of those things for so long I sometimes wonder if it will ever really happen. But I'm not one of those people that stands on the sidelines of life for long. I was never meant to a leaf lost and scattered by the wind blowing from one place to another getting ragged and torn. I'm the acorn that gets planted in the clay of the earth that flourishes and grows despite the harsh realities of the world around them.
That's my dream, my hope, my wish for this life. It may not seem like much to most people but to me it's everything. And I'm willing to do what's needed to make it happen, to become that person, to have that life. I know it will take hard work and determination, but to me there's joy in the making. I just want to make sure that when I'm old I can look back on this life and see that tree, tall and proud, branchs gently swaying in the breeze and leaves that rustle in a soft song that somehow becomes a part of you when you take the time to listen.

Grow Where You Are Planted

A few weeks ago I was in a store and saw this statement and it's just kind of staid with me. Grow where you are planted. If ever Heavenly Father was trying to tell me something at the time I believe it was with that statement. I have not been able to get it out of my mind. I'd been wondering for awhile now why I He sent me to Utah. While it's not a specific answer I do know what He wants me to do. He wants me to grow. In AZ I'd gotten into a rut and I was just so comfortable with my life that it made it so difficult to get out of my comfort zone and change or try anything new. I needed a change and if anything could do that, moving to a new state did. There is still so much to learn and so many things to do but I feel like I'm finally moving forward again instead of just stagnating. It is my hope that as I press forward that I will be able to blossom and grow into the flower of a woman Heavenly Father knows and wants me to be, and to be honest, that I want to become as well. So here's to being transplanted, make sure to water with care and get plenty of sunlight, and keep growing, no matter where you are.

I'm a Utard now...

A couple months ago I had one of those moments when Heavenly Father hits you over the head and says, "you need to do this." In this case it was moving to Utah. Now, I've always known that Arizona was just a stopping place. Somehow I just got stuck there and most of the time I felt trapped. But if I had to move somewhere, Utah would not have been my first choice, not even my second or third. Utah is gorgeous and I love my family but I've always felt it was a nice place to visit but I didn't want to live there. I always imagined when I moved from AZ that I'd go someplace like the wide open spaces of Kansas or by the ocean off the coast of Oregon or the mountains of Montana. But somehow moving to Utah just felt right, like it was what I was meant to do all along.

Of course the timing was all wrong. I had a great job I'd been at for 5 years and I enjoyed the people I worked with. I was still in debt from surgery I had last year and living paycheck to paycheck just to keep my head above water. While I wouldn't miss the heat or the sun I would miss those that I'd grown to know and love over the years. But I found that once I turned everything over to Heavenly Father and basically said, if this is what you want me to do provide a way, well He definitely did.

Within a week of my epiphany I got laid off with a severance package that covered the balance of my lease and paid for the moving truck. Cashing out my 401k provided the funds to get out of debt and unemployment has provided the cash flow to put me in the black and gives me the opportunity to take the time I need to find a job I can enjoy. With facebook, cell phones, and e-mail I wouldn't feel quite so lonely for my friends. Besides everyone seems to know someone who lives in Utah and I was just one more reason for them to visit.

So now I'm in Utah, staying with my grandparents until I find work and a place to live. Today Grandpa Dallas took me to the Arctic Circle for super. Heaven is Arctic Circle's fry sauce. Going anywhere with Grandpa is an adventure. The man knows everyone and everyone seems to know him. He always has something nice to say and there is always, always a story to tell. We walked into Arctic Circle and he knew every body's name and something about their lives. The girl behind the counter has a little girl that's living with her and whose parents live in Vegas, the guy that was washing down the tables was going to school and his mom was a neat lady. People stopped by to say hi and they brought us free ice cream. I can honestly say it's the most fun I've had in a fast food restaurant since high school.

Coming to Utah has not been the easiest choice, nor has it been without trial. But going out with Grandpa Dallas today made me realise that I was missing things I hadn't even known I was missing. Like Arctic Circle's fry sauce, a welcoming smile by someone that knows your name, family and friends to laugh with, and most importantly, it felt like coming home.